The emotional fallout A cancer diagnosis is a life changer. It can stir up a whirlpool of emotions from shock and anger to anxiety and despair. But these feelings are part of the process of adapting to life with cancer and facing its challenges.
Living with uncertainty Understanding what’s going on and having some control over what happens in your life can give you a sense of security. Getting a cancer diagnosis and being plunged into treatment takes that security away and can leave you feeling stressed, anxious and unhappy.
It’s normal to want to find out as much as possible about your condition and your treatment options. You should feel confident about asking your care team any questions you may have. However, those healthcare professionals may not always have answers for you. It’s not always possible to say if a treatment will be successful, or to judge if the cancer will return.
Uncertainty can be hard to live with, especially if it stops you from making plans for your future. Here are some ways to handle the uncertainty in your daily life.
Make a date Think about something that you like doing and schedule it in, whether it’s for tomorrow or for a day some weeks from now. It’s good to have something you can look forward to, especially when you feel that your life plans have been put on hold.
Meet people like you Talking to people who are going through the same sorts of things you are can make you feel ‘normal’ again. Cancer support groups are grassroots organisations that allow people facing similar challenges to meet and share their experiences. Call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20 to find out about a suitable support group near you.
Get support If you find you’re feeling upset by the uncertainty, think about getting help from a social worker, counsellor or psychologist.
Getting anxious Anxiety is to be expected when you’re dealing with a life-threatening illness. In some people, anxiety comes and goes; in others, it is a constant. If the anxiety is intense it could make you irritable and tired and may even affect your sleep and your ability to concentrate. It could also have physical impacts including breathlessness, dizziness, shakiness, tensed muscles, palpitations, nausea and chest pains. Here are some things you can do to relieve your anxiety.
Spoil yourself When you’re feeling anxious, you can forget to look after yourself. Do something to improve your sense of wellbeing – have a special meal, go to a cafe, buy some new clothes or cosmetics or have your hair done.
Learn to relax Relaxing both your mind and body can help make your anxieties recede. You can buy CDs and DVDs that talk you through relaxation techniques, or you can attend workshops or classes. Your care team could recommend something for you to buy or somewhere for you to go, or you could get some suggestions from the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20.
Bend and stretch Fans of yoga say it’s an effective way of relaxing the body and releasing anxiety. To find a suitable yoga practitioner near you, ask your care team or call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20.
Get support If you feel like your anxiety is getting overwhelming, it could be time to get some help from a social worker, counsellor or psychologist.
Feeling angry People in all sorts of circumstances feel angry about cancer. When you’re young you can feel that you’re missing out on experiences being enjoyed by your friends. When you’re older you can grieve that the challenge of cancer comes at a time when you had hoped to start taking it easy. When you’re a carer, you might feel very conflicted about your feelings of frustration and irritation. Whatever your situation, your anger can be tough on the people around you.
Talk it through Cancer may be the source of your anger, but angry behaviour can have an impact on those around you. Some time when you’re not angry, talk to the people close to you about your feelings and explain that your anger isn’t meant to be directed at them.
Take time out If you can feel anger escalating, remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes a simple distraction such as reading the newspaper or taking a shower is enough to ease your emotions. If you’re feeling intense anger, a more physical activity like a long walk or a bike ride can help. If you are in someone else’s company when you feel the need to take time out, calmly explain to them what you’re doing and give them an idea of when you’ll be back.
Breathe deeply Anger is often accompanied by a tight chest and short breaths. If your lungs aren’t getting the oxygen they need, it can affect your ability to make decisions. When you feel those anger symptoms, make an effort to take slower, deeper breaths.
Dealing with depression It’s common to experience a sense of grief when you’re dealing with cancer, but if that sadness becomes a long-lasting low mood, then you may be experiencing depression. Depression is more likely to happen if you have had it before, if you have no personal support network, or feel overwhelmed by associated problems such as financial pressures.That applies equally to the person with cancer and their carer. Some drugs used in cancer treatment may also increase the risk of someone developing depression. Here is some advice on handling depression.
Make a list If you feel you have countless worries, try putting them down on paper, then listing them in order of importance. Looking at your troubles one by one can make them seem smaller and easier to manage.
Be tolerant Much is made of the value of ‘staying positive’ during cancer treatment and, as a result, some people who are depressed feel guilty or ashamed of their feelings. Depression won’t necessarily affect the outcome of your treatment but if you’re worried about your mood speak to your care team.
Meditate Meditation is a technique that helps you free your mind from conscious thoughts. Some people find it gives them some relief from feelings of depression. To find meditation classes or workshops near you, talk to your care team or call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20. The Meditation Society of Australia has free online courses at meditation.org.au.
Drink less Alcohol is a depressant. It can be tempting to have a few drinks when you’re feeling low, but you could end up feeling worse than you did before. This can be a good time to stay away from alcohol for a while.
Exercise more Some light exercise can distract your thoughts, boost your energy levels and help you sleep better, all of which can help to lift your mood.
Stay active Have an activity plan where you plot out all sorts of activities for the week ahead including social events, pampering treats, outings, home-based activities, quiet solitary activities and at least one dose of exercise daily. For more on activity plans, go to www.beyondblue.org.au and follow the links through Depression > Helping yourself > Keeping active.
Get support Many social workers, counsellors and psychologists are very experienced at helping people who have cancer and feel depressed. Speak to your care team or call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20 to get in touch with someone who can help you through a tough time.
Words to know
Anxiety a feeling of worry, distress, misgiving or unease
Depression a ‘low’ mood that lasts for more than two weeks
Expert's insight: Petrea King Stress, anxiety and sadness are common side effects of cancer treatment, not only for the person with cancer, but their loved-ones too, says Petrea King from the Quest for Life Foundation.
“Most people experience some strong emotions when cancer is diagnosed, but not everyone will feel immediately anxious about it.
“Some people are relieved to actually have a diagnosis because they have known that something is not right with their body. At least, then, they feel that they know what they are dealing with.
“Numbness is the most common feeling after a cancer diagnosis. The shock can be so great that it takes a while before we are able to deal with it. It’s only later that worry sets in.
“People may feel anxious about treatment, or the long-term prognosis, or what might happen to family members if they’re not there to take care of them.
“Of course people sometimes feel sad about the situation they are in and some may feel hopeless. Certainly there are some strong emotions that needs to be processed or articulated. ‘Depression’ can sometimes be a mask for a whole range of feelings yet to be acknowledged and processed.
“Loved-ones of people with cancer may also be unsure of how to cope. Loving someone with cancer and feeling deeply confronted by feelings of helplessness and powerlessness to 'fix' the situation can be a source of great anguish. Cancer also comes on top of whatever else is going on in a relationship."
Expert's insight: David Gregory When David Gregory was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2000, support networks for people living with cancer were pretty much non-existent. Eleven years later, David is trying to redress the balance as the chairman of the Support and Advocacy Committee of the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia.
“When you’re diagnosed with cancer, you’ll be frightened, you’ll be angry, and you’ll be asking ‘why me?’. Once those emotions have had their run, you’ll want to get information. In addition to that, you’ll want to get information from a group of people and their partners who’ve been there and done that. This is where the support group comes in.
“Typically your doctor will give you a lot of clinical information, but the impact of the diagnosis is not their job. Our job is to provide a safe and private environment for people living with cancer.
“A typical monthly meeting would involve welcoming new members, then asking people to give treatment updates and [finding out] how they’re handling the side effects. This round-table discussion generally gives new members the confidence to get involved. After an hour or so, new members visibly relax. Everybody goes away feeling a whole lot better than they did when they walked through the door.
“Of course, support groups are not for everybody. A lot of men with prostate cancer don’t feel comfortable discussing their problems with others. We estimate that just 5 per cent of men with prostate cancer have attended a support group. We also have plenty of guys who we see once or twice, and we don’t see them again. That’s okay, they got what they needed.
“There are specific support groups for many types of cancers (typically prostate, breast and bowel), and the Cancer Council in each state runs several general support groups as well.”
More help
Lifeline 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au The 24-hour phone line run by Lifeline gives callers the opportunity to talk through issues of anxiety, depression, stress and even suicidal thoughts. Lifeline can refer callers to mental health support services where necessary
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 www.beyondblue.org.au The website run by the national depression initiative offers insights and information about depression and how to handle it.
Relationships Australia 1300 364 277 www.relationships.com.au Relationships Australia offers family and relationship counselling as well as a range of specialist counselling services.
Mindful Meditation for People with Cancer, Their Families and Carers Simple, guided meditation exercises can be downloaded at www.cancercouncil.com.au by following the links to Patients, families and friends > Meditation for people with cancer, their families and carers, or call the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20 to order a free CD.
Photo by Randy Larcombe
LISA DEANS After years of ongoing battles with cancer, Lisa Deans has changed her outlook and quite possibly her outcomes.
Lisa was diagnosed with bowel cancer four years ago. Since then she’s had a remission, a recurrence, another remission, and another recurrence. After receiving a pessimistic assessment of her prospects from her surgeon, Lisa decided it was time to shrug off the denial that had accompanied her first two bouts of cancer, and take some personal responsibility for her health and wellbeing. Recent tests show that a 6cm tumour in her pelvis and all four of the tumours in her liver have gone.
“I had a tumour intruding into the bowel, there was cancer in my liver and my lymph nodes had been affected. I was looking down the barrel of a gun and I just went straight into ‘You know what, I’ve just got to keep going.’
“I did an Empower Yourself to Heal course at the Cancer Care Centre* which has been really good. I’m doing meditation. I’ve been in contact with a spiritual mentor and that’s been extremely powerful. And the naturopath has really helped me.
“The results are speaking for themselves. The doctor says they’re the results of the chemotherapy but, I’m sorry, there’s more to it than that.
“I’m just really very happy. I’m looking forward to the future. I’m not scared of the cancer. There are some things in life that you can’t control, but you can control the response you have to it. I think that’s something I’ve learned.
“I don’t know what the future holds. We’re just about to build a house. I don’t know how it’s going to be funded, but if it’s meant to be it will be. And if it’s not, well, we’ve tried our best. I’ve had many failures in my life but I don’t regret them and I don’t regret this cancer. It has taught me so much.”
* Go to www.cancercare.asn.au or call (08) 8272 2411 to find out more about the Cancer Care Centre in Adelaide.
Photo by Adrian Lambert
BRENDA HENDRICKS For the last five years, Brenda Hendricks has battled brain cancer. Attending an Iyengar yoga class with other cancer patients has helped ease the stress and anxiety.
“I was first diagnosed with brain cancer in 2005. I had two tumours. I had surgery to remove one tumour and radiotherapy and chemo to shrink the second. But it didn’t respond to treatment and the doctors I was seeing in Perth told me they couldn’t operate. I had help from Sydney surgeon Dr Charles Teo. That was in 2007. He removed the second tumour and told me I should have three years cancer-free. In February 2011, the tumour had returned.
“Right now I am facing more treatment – chemotherapy and radiotherapy – and I am going to go with that and see if it works. Meanwhile, I am going to continue going to a yoga class I’ve been attending through the Cancer Council Western Australia.
“I like the camaraderie I find in class. You feel like you are among other people who understand. I also find the yoga relaxing and the instructor adjusts poses for me so that my head is always in a neutral position.
“At the moment I am not in a lot of pain but I do have stress and anxiety around my cancer. The yoga helps with that.
“As well as yoga, I have tried other different therapies through SolarisCare*. I had Bowen therapy which helped me sleep. I have also tried reflexology but I liked Bowen therapy better. Treatments are free, as the three SolarisCare centres are staffed by volunteers, and there is a drop-in centre as well as a library.
“My complementary treatments sit alongside my traditional treatments. They are not a substitute for them.”
* For more information on the SolarisCare centres, go to www.solariscare.org.auor call (08) 9346 7630 (Nedlands), (08) 9388 9788 (Subiaco) or (08) 9791 1559 (Bunbury).